It‘s September, which means we all need to start thinking about what we‘re going to be for Halloween. Why not Toad?
That‘s a great question: Why not Toad? Why not Toad? Why not Toad? Why not Toad?
Listed on Amazon as the “Disguise Men‘s Toad Costume Accessory Mask – Adult,” this Toad mask, pictured above, is an affront to the senses. The way it transforms the model‘s head into the entirety of Toad‘s mushroom head, the majority of his face obscured by the bulbous, polka-dotted top section.
Toad‘s tiny, black, dead eyes demand your attention, but lurking just above are another set of eyes, obscured slightly by a large red dot, but still present and leering. Which set do you look upon?
The answer is neither. You avert your eyes. You turn around quickly and you run.
Toad‘s head does not belong on this human-sized body. It‘s an abomination.
A more reasonable person would select a different costume. Maybe a mask of Mario, or an that takes human body proportions into account.
Have you chosen this mask to strike fear in the hearts of the ones you love?
Imagine this masked individual, staring at you from across the room. Their head tilts, just slightly, to the side. They move toward you. Slowly at first, and then quickly.
You want to run but you cannot. You‘re frozen. Who lies beneath that mask? What kind of person would choose to wear this?
Not the kind of person you want to associate with.
And yet people have bought it. People like Shane, who left a five-star review.
“It was perfect,” Shane wrote. “No issues or anything.”
No issues with what, Shane? No issues with your vision as you did your deeds? No issues with the mask slipping while you committed whatever atrocities you committed while needing to obscure your face?
Why did you use this in June, Shane?
What happened, Shane?